Honey, Do I Look Big In This

Currently, Bewick swans are on their winter vacation in the UK's Severn Estuary and indulging in all the fun that the swanny fleshpots of Gloucestershire have to offer. Sadly though, it will shortly be coming to an end. Mother Russia is calling. The scientific staff running the swan holiday spa for the Wildlife and Wetlands Trust, are judging the success of the holiday by the size of the bottom line – the swan’s bottom line size that is. The BBC Earth News report (1) quotes Ms Newth as suggesting that most of the Bewicks were going home with big healthy behinds.

The size and shape of Bewick bottoms has become a subject around the dinner tables of the eco-chattering classes of recent times because the numbers visiting the Severn spa have declined by 30% in the past ten years, and the speculation was put about that the meal service was at fault. Hence the indiscreet discussion centered around the swan’s bottom lines. A swan that has been short changed in the food department has a concave bottom line. Whilst one that has been taking full advantage of months of indulgence with the other Gloucestershire gourmets will be bulging out of her feathers. Indeed, swans don’t suffer from double chins, but double bottom bulges are a common sight around the Severn.

Initial lift off with a doubly bulging bottom may require more runway length than normal to reach take off velocity but we shouldn’t think of it as cargo. The bulging bottom is a high fuel load and ensures that there will be enough in the tank for the 2,500 mile trip to the rigors of the Russian summer playgrounds. So the next time you look over your shoulder at the image in the mirror of bulging, stressed fabric, gird your loins and head out on a long summer holiday.

1. http://news.bbc.co.uk/earth/hi/earth_news/newsid_9421000/9421133.stm

One Response so far.

  1. jazgal says:

    Ah, yes, that's it, they are fueled for flight to Russia! I somehow doubt that the double-bulging bottoms I have been seeing are not heading out of town, as the vision persists. Fly, Fly!

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